“I tell ya, I don’t get a break with nothing. I joined Gamblers Anonymous, they gave me two-to-one I don’t make it.” | Rodney Dangerfield

351K views · 4.5K shares | “Everytime I set the alarm, my wife turns it off. She says what I earn, it don’t pay to get up.” | Rodney Dangerfield | Facebook

“Last week, I told my wife, ‘I need a home improvement loan.’ She gave me a thousand dollars to move out.” | Rodney Dangerfield

“I tell ya, with my wife there’s always something. Like the other night, she said to me, ‘When’s the last time you thought about taking me out to dinner?’ I told her, ‘It was right after the last meal you cooked at home.’” | Rodney Dangerfield

316K views · 4.9K reactions | Ever wonder how Rodney Dangerfield got his name? | Rodney Dangerfield | Facebook